But Wait, There's More!

'Tis The Season

2011-12-24T23:35:00.005-05:00

A few images in the spirit of the season...

Turning the Biscotti

Evergreen

The Recital

Christmas Magic

More Christmas Magic

Love, love, love.

Make a joyful noise!

2011-11-26T18:21:00.004-05:00

(My warm thanks goes out to all the writers

in this month's Haiku Kukai,

and especially to Josh Simerman,

for the use of this image under a Creative Commons license.)

Now We Walk In Beauty

2011-11-26T17:23:00.006-05:00

It was a beautiful day.

This little lit-up walking dude had a good idea.

So did this one, but we weren't quite up for rowing,

so we went with a walk.

Lake Carnegie.

Beautiful every day.

He's got the whole lake in his hand.

Beautiful berries...

... beautiful boy.

Thanks again for the hand-me-down

binoculars, Grandpa and Nana!

(Hope you all enjoyed your day today,

wherever this finds you.)

Remember South Carolina?

2011-11-26T16:38:00.002-05:00

I am apparently still in denial about the fact that my sister now lives in... South Carolina. And I had a crazy-busy summer. STILL, these pics have been hanging around for WAAAYYY too long now. So here's a little blast from the past...

Nina loves Mr. D, episode 264.

(Remember when she really, really, didn't?)

Miss C has put her dog-whisperer skills

to good work already,

helping to get gorgeous pups like these

ready to be helper dogs.

Go, C!

T continues to draw up a storm.

(Mr. D explains, "She's who I really look up to,

as an artist.")

A well-laid table and some pretty dang goodlookin' kids!

Did someone say, "Funnelcake?!"

Mostly, we just hung out in Lake Murray...

... or near Lake Murray...

... until it was time to eat again.

(Sigh. We had such a nice visit!)

Hallowe'en 2011

2011-10-31T21:54:00.004-04:00

We had some great costume ideas for Mr. D this year. We were especially hoping that he might decide to be a "Creeper" from Minecraft. He was very polite, and took all of our suggestions under advisement. And then, once again, he came up with his own, extremely gruesome idea. "Tama," he explained pleadingly, "Hallowe'en is pretty much my one day to be really and truly scary." He is all about Dia de los Muertos.

So.... we knew we were in over our heads when we heard this year's idea. Thank goodness we happen to have a certain future forensic anthropologist on speed dial... Miss Ari to the rescue!!

"You want to look like your face is unzipped?

Exposing the bloody meat underneath?

We can do that! But you have to hold still."

SOME children go for sweet and whimsical.

But not our kid.

Are you ready?

(Grandparents, please sit down.

No boys were harmed, honest.)

WHOA.

You could tell where he was on the street

by listening for the screams.

Not kidding.

Hey, why is Albert Pujols hanging out with that bloody kid?

(Thank goodness for JT; the boys have been sharing

this holiday for pretty much their whole lives.)

At the end of the night?

The divvy.

Items available for trade

placed near the black rope.

Much haggling,

followed by a serious sugar high.

Life is indeed good.

(Gotta close with one more shout out

to the amazing Miss Ari!

Also, all praise to Galen, the inventor

of cold cream.)

Hard Work is True Joy

2011-10-29T07:58:00.003-04:00

We had a fantastic "help Grandpa celebrate his xxth birthday" weekend up at Grandpa and Nana's house, and once those boys got together, there was no stopping them!

(Move along, Mommy; we're busy.)

Birdhouse design by Mr. D;

realization by Grandpa & his new apprentice

Sunday was especially beautiful,

so outside they went!

Grins were plentiful...

and the homemade 3 Sisters Soup was a hit!

(http://bit.ly/3sisterssoup)

When we got home,

Mr. D. resumed his studies

of perpetual motion...

"Can I have some graph paper?

I need to draw this up to scale,

like Grandpa taught me!"

(Love & hugs, Grandpa and Nana!)

Climbing Mt. Colden

2011-10-11T06:20:00.005-04:00

Mt. Colden is a REAL mountain. One of the Adirondack High Peaks. So when Uncle Tom offered a guided attempt at reaching the summit to a certain nature-loving boy and his cousin, that was pretty much a done deal. This all happened much earlier this summer; it's a treat to re-visit the experience through these photos. (And I should say that both of the mountain shots are Mr. D's.)

The climbers, at the ready.

Aunties at the ready...

... to help in any way they can.

Mr. D loves being the BIG cousin for a change!

Did someone say "dimples"?

Mt. Colden

The view from the summit.

Still trying to capture the majesty of the moment.

Totally zonked.

(Thanks again, Uncle Tom & Aunties!

And you are in our thoughts, Grammy...)

Bumper Cars

2011-10-10T22:10:00.003-04:00

When our friends

in New Orleans

invited us

to their school’s Spirit Night,

we said yes, of course.

Our boy had never seen bumper cars before.

Fresh from our visit to neighborhoods

where beautiful old side-hall shotgun homes

stood shoulder-to-shoulder

with their blighted, empty cousins,

this crashing on purpose

looked a little crazier, even, than usual.

But memories of our own childhoods

complete with bumper car adventures

(crackling thrill

of electricity overhead

punctuated by sharp jolts

of anticipated impact)

outweighed his fears.

Our promise of safety

held true for one more day.

We drove and crashed and laughed

and steered directly towards

yet another crash.

No one got hurt.

And everyone went home smiling.

(Thanks to the women of http://3x3x365.blogspot.com/

for their continuing inspiration.)

Celebration in Colorado

2011-10-01T15:45:00.000-04:00

Things have been a little quiet on the blog.

Irene was a seriously unwelcome houseguest.

To the tune of about a foot of water in our basement.

But the insurance adjuster just left,

and we think it's all going to be fine.

So... time to catch up a little here at But Wait, There's More!

We received a lovely invitation

to join our faraway family members

in a celebration of cousin J's bar mitzvah.

We said yes, and we arranged the trip

so that we got to fly with Grandpa!

(Show here explaining some cool math concept

to an appreciative D.)

I called my old friend J to see if she

had any recommendations for restaurants

in the Denver area,

and we got invited over for dinner!

(Thanks again, J!)

Everyone cleaned up quite nicely.

The Charter at Beaver Creek? Niiiiice!

The amazing Super G was intent on showing off

for big cousin D.

T & D working on some sketches,

waiting for the ceremony to begin.

Cousin J did a fantastic job with his Torah portion.

Everyone was spellbound.

And the downtime afterwards

was sweet!

Did we mention the pool?

How about the harnessed bungee jumping?

(D's hair gives him away.)

Any guesses as to who D

is watching bungee jump next?

Check it out!

Grandpa did a BACKFLIP!

The crowd went wild...

even total strangers stopped to cheer.

So that's a brief recap. It was wonderful to see so many members of the family together, sweet to reconnect with an old friend, fantastic to witness this important chapter in cousin J's journey, and totally amazing to see the look on Mr. D's face the first time he saw real mountains.... and then again when his grandfather flipped upside down!

(If you'd like to see more Colorado photos,

you could check out the set on Flickr.

Next up here on the blog: Adirondack Adventure)

Lessons From Camp, 2011

2011-08-14T22:35:00.008-04:00

As in years past (2010, 2009, 2008, 2007), I've pulled together a few lessons we learned at camp this year...

Define "cozy" on your own terms

Snuggle up to the people you love...

... every chance you get.

Bring a friend.

(We've learned this lesson before,

but it bears repeating.)

Stay up late.

Sleep in late.

Enjoy the views...

... all day...

... every day.

A warm "Thank you!" to all the friends who

sent us real mail at camp,

or called to ask that a message be left,

and an extra hug to Aunt Chelle for coming out

to visit us live and in person!

(Her report is here.)

PS: Don't be shy about that

"home sweet home" feeling, either...

Happy Camper

2011-07-04T22:10:00.006-04:00

He's back! And "Yay Camp Onas" pretty much sums it up.

We chose this Quaker camp in Bucks County

because friends recommended it

and because its "old-fashioned fun

with a focus on building community"

style of camping seemed right up Mr. D's alley.

He was still a morning person, even at camp...

... these two shots were taken at 6:30am while Mr. D.

waited patiently for everyone else to wake up.

(And the camera has a clock,

so we know he wasn't exaggerating!)

"I basically chased this butterfly

and cornered it to get this shot,"

he shared proudly.

"This guy taught me some great moves."

"Look, I almost got hit with the ball!

Isn't that so cool that I got this picture?!"

"The older guys were super-nice to us...

... and next year, I want to go for at least two weeks."

(Thank you, Camp Onas,

for helping our boy grow

into his independence.

All photos in this post by Mr. D himself.)

Outta Here!

2011-07-04T09:31:00.006-04:00

(click on pic to embiggen)

Yes, it's that time of year again... we hear the ocean calling our names, and we are outta here! You can leave us messages in the comments below (although we probably won't read them until we get back), or, even better...

Send us snailmail at camp! Every year we get awesome mail and it is always SO SWEET! If you're reading this between July 9th and July 20th, here's your big chance to make our day at camp.

Send a little note (and/or dark chocolate!) to:
Riendeau-Krause campers, site 35-D
c/o North of Highland Campground
52 Head of the Meadow Road
P.O. Box 297
North Truro, MA 02652-0297

If you'd prefer, you can call the camp and ask them to leave us a note on the camp message board, which is also a big thrill. That number (good from July 9th through the 22nd or so) is 508/ 487-1191, and office hours are pretty much all day with the exception of meal breaks from noon-1pm and again from 6-7pm.

Even if you don't have a chance to send a message our way, we know we can count on you to send warm and sunny thoughts... right? And a special thanks to our friends who have enabled us to give the old pop-up a whirl (!), as well as our excellent neighbors who are keeping watch on our little house until we get back.

(If I can drive a stick shift in Scotland,

I can pull this with no worries, right?)

End of the Year

2011-06-22T21:55:00.000-04:00

As it turns out, the various and sundry end-of-year festivities were a good thing, even though getting ready for them was sometimes a challenge.

Mr. D got to channel both his inner Mozart:

(That's his "Yay, I did it!" smile.)

... and, in these "Colonial Conversations,"

... he got to rock a very colonial-looking braid:

Thanks to the all the teachers

who helped make this year

such a great one for our guy!

Running

2011-06-08T21:41:00.000-04:00

This is kind of like the Mr. D version of "Where's Waldo?"...

After running 25 miles with me

(one mile at a time!),

Mr. D was more than ready for the final 1.2

(500 kids ran this last leg to complete

the Princeton Kids' Marathon)...

... finishing felt great!

Our next mission was to provide water

to the runners of the 10K that followed

immediately after the kids' race...

they ran right up our street

and they needed our help!

(A special thanks to our friends

who came out to help,

and to the adult runners

who took water and poured it on their heads,

much to the delight of our crew.)

2011-05-21T23:08:00.002-04:00

rainwater streams
each with a crouching boy
building dams

(Cross-posted at Four Seasons Haiku: Spring)

2011-05-10T21:52:00.006-04:00

white tulips

standing in the rain –

taller still

Easter Finery

2011-04-24T21:47:00.003-04:00

There were no bonnets in sight in our Quakerly celebration of Easter. (Although, if you're looking for that kind of vibe, we can recommend friend Melissa Harris-Perry's lovely going-to-church hat.)

But we did indulge in a dress-up spirit of sorts, as we returned to the Trenton Area Soup Kitchen to transform a dingy side lot into an Easter Wonderland for the 90+ children who squealed their way to finding hundreds of eggs provided and hidden by the children of Princeton Monthly Meeting.

And Mr. D's new bike has a certain fancy flair about it, don't you think?

As does Witherspoon Street, with its o'erhanging blossoms...

Tomorrow morning we'll start the day

with an "egg war" (good thing Nana's not here,

or none of the rest of us would stand a chance),

so feast your eyes... this is your last chance

to see all twelve of these beauties intact:

Happy Easter!

(A warm thank you to Sassafras Mama

for an outstanding Easter supper;

she & her boy certainly make for good company,

and she provides a dependably scrumptious meal as well!)

Forever Family Day #10

2011-04-20T06:55:00.005-04:00

We have made celebrating the anniversary of Tama's successful adoption of Mr. D a family tradition, and this year (#10! how is that possible?), we started off by sharing songs with a celebratory theme. Here are Tama & Mr. D listening to Kool & the Gang rock Celebration:

(Mr. D noticed that some people had clicked "thumbs down"
in the comments on this video,
and asked, "Who the heck doesn't like this song?!"
He's turning out nicely, we think.)

Actually, the first thing we did was treat ourselves
to a fancy breakfast of raisin challah French Toast.

Then the sound of a basketball being dribbled
in our neighbor's driveway called Mr. D's name,
so off he went...

(Nice body English, huh?)

Later, we went on a family bike ride to
our favorite bike store,
where Jay was able to show us a picture
of Mr. D's soon-to-be-delivered new bike!

The weather was not cooperating,
so we rode back home
and played several rounds of
Mille Bourne ("nice guy version").
(This version encourages players
to help each other out when they encounter
trouble on the road, and since the original version
is considerably more cutthroat,
"nice guy version" games tend to take a while.
No worries; we had all the time in the world.

Then, just as happened last year,
we found ourselves in the market for some 3-D movie action.

We give Born To Be Wild six thumbs up!

And we remain grateful for each other's
love in our lives... not just on Forever Family Day,
but every day.

(For more Forever Family Day fabulousness,

check out the posts from 2007, 2008, 2009, and 2010.)

John Keene's Challenge

2011-04-11T09:18:00.003-04:00

(John Keene, who's tweeting for the Poetry Foundation blog this month, tossed out a challenge last night for folks to write a particular kind of poem, so here's my attempt. Can you tell I'd just been to a blues concert?)

Always
before, she had
come to my
defense,
even if we’d been
fighting.

Guess I
hadn’t realized how
Iong it had been since I felt
just-
kissed.

Last
minute
now, we
opened ourselves,
praying for the

quiet moments that might
restore our
sense of
trust,
uncover our shared
vulnerability.

What did I
expect? My grandmother sighing:
“Why are we given
zis life, but to work?”

(I want to be writing more,
and am grateful for the endless
blank page that is the internet.)

A New Car!

2011-03-26T10:01:00.006-04:00

Well, new to us, anyway!

The thing is, Tama really doesn't like car shopping, whereas I enjoy it. So she does all the research, comes up with a few makes/models she likes, and then it's my job to close the deal. This time, the car I liked best ended up being in MD, which presented some challenges... especially since I wanted to keep its arrival a secret right up until the last minute.

So... this is how last weekend went:

DRK & I hide my car in a nearby lot and
snag a ride from a friend (thanks again, Maggie!)
to the train station, whereupon we catch a train to BWI.

At one point during the ride, Tama calls to check in,
thinking that we're DRIVING down to MD.
Uh-oh.
I tell her Mr. D is fast asleep and hang up in a hurry!

My dear college friend and roommate A.
and her fab partner C. scoop us up
and bring us to Chez Feld,
where we learn the cost of running behind schedule...
those used to be chicken skewers,
which my sister thoughtfully
left in the oven to "warm" in anticipation
of our arrival. Ooops.

Our birthday present to cousin T is much appreciated...

... as is our hangout time with the Feldinis.

Then, when we get back home, we tell Tama
we have something to show her that
"looks better in natural light."
When she comes outside and sees no trace
of my car, she knows something's up...
and then we give her the good news!

Now THIS is what I call a happy ending!

(It's a 2007 VW Rabbit,
manual transmission,
with HEATED SEATS, people!
You'd be grinning, too.)

New Stories

2011-02-28T00:03:00.005-05:00

(image via splityarn of Flickr fame)

Thinking that the person
who was calling
was you,
I dove right in
with endearments.
But she was calling about
some mail that
had gone wrong.
She was not you.
Was, in fact,
a complete stranger
with whom we share
a house number,
though not a street.

We got it all untangled:
the mail at her house
meant to be at ours,
and the words in my mouth
meant for you.

And now,
both of our families
have stories
about me
speaking,
for a moment,
with such tender devotion...
to her.

A Changed World

2011-02-11T22:15:00.006-05:00

Planting Democracy in Tahrir Square
by @CarlosLatuff

(Click on the image to see it full-size,
then once more for a "size to window" version.)

(Looking back, our years of talking with our son about
what makes a good leader good,
and a bad leader bad,
seem now like a preface for today.)

My Snow Day

2011-02-02T07:14:00.003-05:00

The latest storm knocked yet another limb down into our front yard, and this one took out our FIOS line in the process. What's a girl with no cable, no internet, and no landline to do?

Bake, of course!

Almond Kuchen, inspired by my Oma.
Not as good as hers, yet, but still.

(FIOS was out for two days,
and the limb is likely to be there
for quite a while to come. Sigh.)

Perfect Storm

2011-02-01T06:54:00.000-05:00

Here's one boy's recipe for a perfect snowday:

1) Roll out of bed and go directly to Lego heaven. (Note inside-out pajama shirt, which helped ensure that the snowday was ON.)

2) Round up some neighborhood boys for a massive snowfort build.

3) Finish up with some review of human anatomy with a good friend in a cozy spot (heat duct + comforter = super cozy!). And yes, the book really is that big.

(Stay tuned for MY idea
of a perfect snow day...)

Taking Advantage

2011-01-22T07:11:00.009-05:00

Due to the demands of T's work in the winter, Mr. D and his Tama don't get to see as much of each other in these colder months as they would like. They have established a number of traditions in order to overcome this challenge, and their mid-January trip to the amazing American Museum of Natural History is shaping up to be one of their favorites.

They had already selected Tuesday, January 18th as their target date this year when the weather reports started to come in. Snow. Ice. Slush. Ice. Sure enough, on the appointed morning, his school notified us that they had decided to go with a delayed opening. No problem for our intrepid adventurers, who had long planned to take the train anyway. And no problem for mama, who was granted the entire day off and who looked forward with cozy anticipation to a full day of luxurious at-home puttering.

That was the plan right up until my partner and our son turned up the heat with giant begging puppy eyes:

The next thing I knew, I was dashing for the shower so I could make the train along with them!

(Of course we stopped for a little cinnamon roll action in Penn Station.)

A little over an hour later, we were some of the very first members in the door at the AMNH.

We imagined pteranodons soaring overhead,

and experimented with how much we'd weigh on the moon.

But the room where we spent the most time by far
was the incredible main wing
of the gems and minerals collection.
Our boy is a serious lover of beauty.

At the same time, he is seriously
dedicated to demonstrations
of strategy, determination, and raw power:

(This wrestling pic was taken just three days prior.)

We all had a wonderful day together, and as a kind of reward, the weather bestowed a second snow day on me yesterday, while Mr. D had another delayed opening. We're just loving winter!

(And we remain open to suggestions
for more fun winter adventures...)

Hint Hint

2011-01-21T22:08:00.002-05:00

If you've just figured out how close Valentine's Day is and are getting a little panicky, have I got a cure for you! Hop on over to TrueJune's Etsy shop & think about brightening your sweetie's day with one of her necklaces. They are beautiful, simple, and pleasinlgy unusual, and I are likely to go instantly to "treasured" status.

I wound up with the same one I gave to my niece C, and we're both just thrilled.

(Let me know which one - or ones! -
you're pining for in the comments.
Hat tip to artist/author friend
Auntie Nish for turning me on
to the work of our fellow Brown grad.)

Milestones

2011-01-17T23:29:00.005-05:00

Today marked the occasion of the boy's first Skype call. And who better to share that moment with than his fantastic Cousin C? It was an occasion for much merriment; the look on Mister D's face when he realized that he could "carry" Cousin C to his bedroom while she "carried" him to her kitchen was indescribably awesome.

Getting to listen to Cousin C's reaction to his latest wrestling highlights video as she watched it for the first time was pretty great, too.

I'm desperately hoping that this technology takes some of the sting out of the impending move to SC (theirs, not ours). If tonight was any indication, I'm thinking that my hopes might be well-placed.

(My next goal?
Musical sharing via Skype.
Just THINK of the rounds we could learn!
How about you? If you need help getting started,
it's likely that you'll find everything you need
right here on the ol' intertubes.)

Christmas 2010

2010-12-29T12:36:00.004-05:00

We took this picture to celebrate
the beautiful work
of our fantastic Wrapini (aka Tama)...

...and this one,
to show off the splendor of Sassafras Mama's
holiday home & tree
(note yummy snacks in foreground).

We had a wonderful Christmas,
complete with pleasure reading for the grownups...

...and the joys of catnip for the younger set.

Everyone was in agreement about
the joys of a shared feast.

(Warm thanks to Sassafras Mama & her crew
for once again sharing the holiday with us.)

Merry Merry

2010-12-25T11:56:00.004-05:00

That was then...

...this is now.

The freeing the Christmas tree has become
a time-honored tradition in our family. I am
especially fond of the traditions that we've started
without even knowing it.
After that first year of cutting through the tree netting,
Mr. D had a pretty clear idea that it was his job.
And so it has turned out to be.

(Hope you all are enjoying
the gifts of the season!)

eBay and Beginner's Mind

2010-12-18T23:17:00.002-05:00

Mr. D has gotten some great play out of his hand-me-down Bey Blades (thank you, Feldini's), and has long scorned the newer generation of this spinning top toy. Recently, though, he's started to realize that the older ones are harder to get (they don't sell them in stores anymore), and his friends have all moved on to the newer generation. "I think maybe I'll try to sell some of my old ones on eBay," he said to me matter-of-factly, "so then I can try the new ones out with some of that money."

"Great idea, buddy," I said. Then I said, "But I don't actually know how to SELL something on eBay; we've only ever been buyers. So we'll have to figure that out." Well of course it turns out that eBay makes it SUPER easy to sell stuff via their site, so within a half hour or so of poking around I was confident that I'd be able to help Mr. D achieve his goal.

The fact that I didn't know what I was doing meant that I was truly able to stay in that place of "beginner's mind." This led to all kinds of great conversations. Which Bey Blades should we offer? Should we do a "these are the actual Bey Blades you'll get" listing or a "You'll get two Bey Blades like these" listing? Mr. D and I talked about why some auctions are less specific than others about the actual items you'll receive. We also talked about the reputational ranking system that eBay uses to help buyers uncover less-than-trustworthy sellers; we'd been very aware of it as buyers, but it was quite different to think about what it means to EARN those ratings as a seller.

Once Mr. D had decided to opt for a full-disclosure, "this is what you'll actually get" style of selling ("because I don't like it when they don't tell me what I'm getting," he reasoned), we moved on to talking about presentation. Mr. D staged and art-directed this photo, which he felt showed off his offered Bey Blades in the best possible light:

Then we talked about how to describe the tops, spinners, and rip cords. Who would be reading the ad, the children, or the parents? People who knew about Bey Blades, or people who didn't? Probably all of the above, we decided. We wrote several drafts of "ad" copy before we came up with a final version.

Then we had to decide about shipping. Would we charge separately for it, or fold that cost into the total cost of the sale? We remembered that we sometimes sort our eBay searches according to asking price, and so we decided to take what felt like a little bit of a risk and list Mr. D's Bey Blade lot with a starting bid of $.99, free shipping. This meant that we might lose money if the winning bidder came in under the total cost of shipping (which we estimated would be about three dollars). Mr. D was confident that it was a risk worth taking, and his goal with this initial sale was "not to make money, but to build up our good reputation!"

Finally the big day came. We posted our carefully staged photo and meticulously edited description and opened up the bidding. If you click on the picture below you can see how the bidding unfolded, but first... how much do YOU think someone offered to pay for those Bey Blades? (We were thinking the total might come in around $8.00.)

It was so exciting to be on the receiving end of those bids! We knew from having been eBay buyers that some folks were actively bidding while others had set a ceiling limit and then let their computer do the rest. But we were pretty surprised when the bidding went above the $7.00 "Buy It Now!" option we'd built into our sale and then kept on climbing.

Mr. D. insisted on packing up his own merchandise:

And when the winning bidder, who lives in Oregon (we looked it up on a map), received her package, she gave us full marks for service, so our eBay seller rating is currently 100% positive; just what we were going for!

This entire process clearly made an impression on Mr. D; later on in the week he opted to give away a few Bey Blades to a close friend of his at school. It will be interesting to see what he decides to do with his remaining "old school" Bey Blades. I am looking forward to doing a lot more side-by-side learning with him over our upcoming break. Next up? SketchUp!

(I would love to hear about
some of your side-by-side learning moments
as a parent, friend, or colleague...)

The Alumni Notes Version

2010-12-16T07:19:00.001-05:00

(Alumni Notes)

I had a fantastic time participating in a combined Twitter chat last night, with folks from both the Parentella (mostly parents) and CampusChat (mostly counselors) communities chiming in.

One of the things I love about these chats is the free-ranging nature of the discussion, even though that can also sometimes be a real challenge. I am grateful to both Amanda (of Parentella) and Kelly (of Smart College Visit fame) for their work in making it happen, and am still trying to wrap my brain around all of the interesting perspectives that were shared last night.

Several "take aways" for me came several hours later (have I mentioned that I'm a slow thinker?), as I continued to muse about the stream of comments that were related to what parents can do in support of their children achieving excellence.

Of course I thought of this Erich Fromm quote: "Few parents have the courage & independence to care more for their children’s happiness than for their success."

So one question is, what kind of excellence are we talking about?

It being mid-December, I also started thinking about students dealing with disappointment in the college search process (and in life), and that led me to thinking about the true-life stories we parents tell our children.

If you're a college graduate, do you remember the first time you read the alumni notes section of your school's alumni magazine? I do. I remember the sinking feeling I felt as I mentally compared my life's accomplishments with those of the people who had sent in descriptions of their triumphs. They were running their own companies, being named to advisories boards, welcoming beautiful children to the world, publishing novels... I was just trying to learn the admissions ropes at UPenn!

Of course then I quickly realized... it's only the people who are having amazing years who submit their class notes to the alumni magazine. Not too many people sends in a class note that says, "Spending every other weekend in NH with my ailing mother while struggling to make both ends meet since my partner lost her job in the economic downturn."

Do the true-life stories we share with our children represent the "alumni notes" version of our lives? Or do we let them see our struggles, too? Have your children seen you work and work at something that doesn't come easily to you? Have they seen you receive bad news and bounce back? Have they witnessed you clawing your way back up from a knock-down? Are we modeling persistence and resilience? I wonder.

(Cross-posted over on Relax. No, really.)
Kelly has already posted
takeaway tweets and a transcript,
so go check that out, too!)

A Show for the Wide-Minded

2010-12-14T16:35:00.005-05:00

Planning for anything more than a day or so "out and about" has been a challenge this fall. Still, I had been holding out hope that I MIGHT get to treat myself to Scot Wittman's solo show this weekend, and was thrilled when it became clear that the stars seemed to finally be aligning in my favor. (Throughout this post, clicking on the photos will enable you to see a larger version of them.)

I'd never been to the Millbrook School before, and was glad to have detailed directions as well as a navigator (hi, Brigid!) to help me find it in the dark. The two gallery spaces were gorgeous and well-suited to Wittman's wide-ranging meditation on science, humanity, and the ways in which we make sense of our world, and if it hadn't been for the threat of impending snow and an hour's drive to my ultimate destination, I would have stayed much longer. (I was at the show for probably a little less than two hours, which was nowhere NEAR enough time to take it all in.)

(The artist & two of his subjects)

The opening was happily crowded, and included in the crowd were several of the subjects of Wittman's mischievous "re-combined" portraits of identical twins. These larger-than-life photographic studies appear at first glance to be uncomplicated "head shots" of individuals, but are in fact each a merged image created from two different portraits of a pair of identical twins. Several of the people in attendance knew the twins in question, and when I got there, a cluster of Millbrook students were excitedly talking about the print that combined two of their classmates. "He says that this is his eye," said one. For those who didn't know the twins before the show, the opening night treat was that the twins were there! So there were ample opportunities to look from the work, to its inspiration, and back again.

In the background of the above photo you can see one of the panels of another work, a separated diptych in which a non-twin student is pictured in two projected images. Most of the images were stills, but every now and then Wittman interjects a moving image (the girl on the right holds a leaf, which suddenly falls to the ground), which is gone again almost as soon as the viewer notices. This resulted in one of my favorite art-related sensations... the feeling of looking at the non-exhibit world with different expectations. Still life seemed less reliably still after this work.

The two students at the rear of this photo have just realized that one of the twin pairs are in the room and are excitedly craning their necks in order to get a better view.

Some of the pieces in the show were both engaging and unsettling, as evidenced by this Houdini-inspired piece. The straightjacketed and hooded "bodies" (there are two, which is somewhat difficult to see in this shot) had a kind of creepy allure. For me there was also a bit of Abu Ghraib resonance, which made me wonder how long it will be before hooded figures don't have that. As for the chained stump... well, what do you think this is all about? What is inescapable in our lives? How are we connected to and disconnected from the natural world?

Questions about our connection to the natural world were also raised by the collection of pieces shown in the background in the above photo. (Easier to see if you click to see the larger version of the photo.) In these pieces, several silouetted images of birds were coupled with an audio recording which participants could listen to via earbuds dangling from each frame. The recordings were sometimes bird song, but at other times... well, I don't want to spoil the piece too much. Suffice it to say that this work, with its play on expectations and the tension between live & recorded sound, was another one I could happily have spent a lot more time with.

This chocolate-covered skeleton was one of the pieces that gallery visitors tended to stop and stay in front of for a while. We are accustomed to thinking of skeletons as medical specimens or as reminders of the inherently finite nature of our existence. A chocolate-dipped skeleton seems at once irreverent and transformed. In my world, chocolate is for eating. But no one is going to eat a skeleton, right? Can a skeleton have a second life? Skeletons are meant to be clothed in muscle and flesh, but in light of the show's cloning theme, this one "takes on" a more flexible set of possibilities.

I didn't take any pictures in the second gallery space, mostly because I knew from previous experience of Wittman's richly detailed work that the images wouldn't do the work justice. Wittman has taken the unfolding progress of stem cell research as one of his inspirations for this new work, which features large "twinned" silouettes cut from maps of "twin" cities connected to research or other developments in the field. The figures all represent mind-bendingly contrasting combinations of skill sets, e.g. a figure doing a yoga stretch has three medical syringes protruding from her raised leg. The juxtapositions sometimes have a whimsical feel, while at the same time inviting a more serious second look. As is so often the case with Wittman's work, the tensions inherent in the work generate questions in the mind of the viewer, which is part of what made this show so engaging. And there's at least one piece I didn't even have a chance to talk about. I left the show wondering how long Wittman had been thinking through the ideas underlying this complex and rewarding show; when I asked him, he confirmed that some of the seeds of these works were planted over a year ago. It was wonderful to have a chance to see those seeds come to fruition...

(Some more photos of this show
by the fab Ian Bates are right over here.
This solo show is only up through January 6th,
I'm hopeful that between now and then
lots of people will take the time to
to visit the Millbrook School and see it. Well worth it.)

Breathe Again

2010-11-14T22:08:00.000-05:00

Last year, our "big" birthday present to Mr. D was a Joan Osborne concert. This year, he's been grooving on Sara Bareilles, so when we found out she was coming to The Trocadero in October, we got right on it! Tama ended up not being well enough to attend, so D and I made sure to have an EXTRA great time so we could come home and tell her all about it.

Even though this last photo is on the blurry side, I love that it seems to capture the exultant feel that both we and she had during her show. It was a great night.

Grim Reaper

2010-11-12T22:10:00.004-05:00

In case you were wondering how our Hallowe'en went, here's some pictorial evidence. I guess we should be glad we survived!

It Got Better

2010-10-10T20:08:00.007-04:00

(Photo by Jamee C on Flickr)

I changed my mind.

Those of you who know me well will be unsurprised to learn that my original plan to let our Mr. D and his school friend play together at school while we all tried to ignore the larger picture left a bad taste in my mouth. (If you're coming in late and feeling like you need the backstory, it's over here.)

"Would you like me to try to talk to your friends' parents?" I asked Mr. D, not really thinking it through, just wanting to make sure he felt supported. "I think I would like you to," he said after a pause. Gulp.

"Even if that ends up being like stirring up a hornet's nest?" I asked him.

"I think it would be worth it," he said solemnly. "Just in case it might help. Even if the odds are really bad, like a hundred to one." (Math boy strikes again.)

I had no idea what the odds were, but I could tell that our boy had some kind of faith in my ability to move mountains.

So I took myself over to the mountain... the home of his friend.

I aimed for after dinner, but before bedtime. When Mr. D's young friend came to the door, I told him I'd like to speak to his parents. He told me that his parents were praying. "That's fine," I said, "I can pray, too. I'll just wait right here."

So I prayed on the porch, and eventually the indoor praying was done and the friend's father came to the door.

I quietly explained the reason for my visit and wondered if the father might have any idea as to why Mr. D's friend would think they couldn't be friends any more. The father had a few ideas, but none of them really made any sense to either of us. "Let me talk to him," said the father. "I think this might be a misunderstanding."

"I can tell Mr. D that there's nothing to worry about?"

"Yes, of course," said the father.

So.

I came home and told this story. Mr. D's face shone with happiness. "A misunderstanding!" he exclaimed joyfully, as if it were his new favorite word. "Maybe it was the mom who thought we shouldn't be friends, but she only told my friend, and not the father," he mused.

We don't know. We may never know. But no one is crying themselves to sleep at our house tonight, and that is a very good thing.

(Thank you all
for your continuing kindness and wisdom.)

(PS: Do you know the superstition
that if you happen to glance at a clock
when it's 9:09 or 12:12, it's good luck?
Well, we happened to look at the clock today (10-10-10)
at 10:10am. Seems like a LOT of luck!)

Corning Museum of Glass

2010-10-03T09:51:00.009-04:00

Growing up as the child of two Corning Glass Works employees meant that I have visited the Corning Museum of Glass MANY times.

Luckily, it's a fantastic museum that I never tired of. During my last visit with my folks, we decided it was time to introduce the next generation to the wonders of glass:

(Here's hoping you all
had a wonderful weekend!)

A Hard Day

2010-09-30T05:33:00.013-04:00

(photo courtesy of Stuart Seeger, via Flickr)

Yesterday our son came home with terrible news.

A dear friend and fellow third grader had explained that his parents had said the boys couldn't be friends anymore.

Both boys are confused and sad. We don't know what precipitated this declaration, but based on our son's story and some other prior interactions, we suspect that homophobia may be at the root of it.

As a lesbian parent, I'd been warned that this day was coming. But nothing really prepares you for trying to explain the inexplicable to your wounded child.

I'll be reaching out to my Muslim and African-American friends today for their advice and support. There are too many of us who live in fear of the day our children will come home with a broken heart.

And we'll be talking with our boy about civil disobedience again... for as much as we want him to respect the adults in his life, we also want him to understand that he is ultimately in charge of who his friends are.

Mostly, though, we're going to listen with love and empathy as he tries to process this.

If you know our son and you're reading this, please don't mention it to him unless he brings it up. We think there's a chance that the boys will "forget" the nonsensical edict and continue to enjoy each other's company — at school, at least.

This is the kind of private situation I would typically refrain from blogging about. But in honor of the memory of Tyler Clementi, who should have been celebrating his first month as a college freshman today, I am speaking out.

Homophobia and other forms of prejudice are fueled by fear of the unknown. As much as I believe, as a Quaker, in the power of centered and prayerful silence, I also believe that we have a responsibility to speak our truths as we are able.

So this is my truth: we all deserve to feel safe, respected, and loved.

Please join me in taking a stand against racism, homophobia, sexism, Islamophobia, anti-Semitism, and other forms of soul-chilling discrimination in your schools and communities. Talk with the people in your life about the challenges you've faced and the steps you've taken to overcome them. And hold a good thought for my son and his friend.

(See the good news update here!)

Glasses of Undeniable Gayness

2010-09-19T19:24:00.009-04:00

Earlier this summer, my partner discovered and quickly became enamored of the Mexican telenovela "Las Aparicios." My partner does not speak Spanish (or at least she didn't, then), but she seemed determined not to let a little thing like incomprehension stand between her and her appreciation of some seriously fun and queer-positive storytelling.

Enter Ingrid Diaz, novelist and blogger extraordinaire, who has been posting recaps of Las Aparicios episodes on her website.

Even after discovering that she could pay to have the show streamed to her computer with English subtitles, my partner continued to read Ingrid's helpful and often hilarious recaps. And little bits of Ingrid's world view started to make it into ours.

So, for example, here's one of Ingrid's recaps that inspired us:

To finish off the ensemble, Julia throws on some Glasses of Undeniable Gayness, because otherwise she might’ve not been believable as a lesbian. And then the two of them parade down the street trying to pass themselves off as a lesbian couple.

So can you guess where this is going?

Last week, we picked up our new glasses. Which we have of course now declared to be our glasses of undeniable gayness.

Beautiful, no?
And so gay.

(Many thanks to Ingrid Diaz
for her continuing fabulosity,
and to a certain young photographer
for knocking his usual rate down for us.)

2010-09-09T23:10:00.007-04:00

Photo by ecstaticist, via Flickr

low morning clouds –
seeming, for a moment,
like a mountain range

(A day that begins
with a haiku
is a good day.
A haiku that I know
I will be able to hold
in my mind all day
is a good haiku.
For me, anyway.)

Sunflowers

2010-09-05T08:16:00.000-04:00

1. Sunflower 1, 2. Sunflower 2, 3. Sunflower 3,

4. Sunflower 4, 5. Sunflower 5, 6. Sunflower 6,
7. Sunflower 7, 8. Sunflower 8, 9. Sunflower 9

(This is what we did on Friday.)

Mesocyclone?

2010-08-18T18:05:00.005-04:00

It has been a tough year for trees in Mercer County, NJ.

No rain. High winds. And then, Tuesday night,
a freaky-strong micro storm
(one of the emergency workers on the scene
called it a mesocyclone):

Looks like it's been a tough year for cars, too.
(These poor neighbors are away on vacation.)

This is the street corner closest to our house.
The street was quickly closed due to downed wires.
Smoke was still hanging in the air.

Everywhere we looked,
there were huge chunks of tree on the ground.

Earlier this summer, our front yard's
street tree dropped this little "hint."

The township arborist looked at his records,
inspected the tree, and then said,
"I'm sorry, but that tree has to go."

We're feeling pretty lucky this week.
Especially since the new addition is just fine.

(Photos 2-4 of this post were taken by a certain
almost nine year old who wants "to be really good a photography.")

Lessons from Camp, 2010

2010-08-04T22:44:00.011-04:00

Some of this year's lessons from camp

(And a big "howdy" to Mary, Brett, Jan, Bruce, & Tara
at N. of Highland Camping Area)...

Bring a friend, a bucket, and a shovel.

Let your friend test the waters...... and then you try it, too.

Make friends...

... with the locals.
(Why yes, that's Vicki Kennedy. At our campground.)

Teamwork...

... makes everything easier.

Get a little fancy with your camping self.

When captured, grin and bear it.

Act like every shot is "gettable".

Ride your bike to the ocean.

Shoutouts to our camping partners Sassafras Mama and JT,
who have helped put the special in this trip for years.
Thanks, too, to our families for putting up
with our relative inaccessibility,
and big smushy cyberkisses
to our folks, Auntie Nish, Wendy, Karen Schiff,
Jen Manion, Diana Conway, Tante Dorit, and Aunt Chelle
for their contributions (snailmail and otherwise)
to another fantastic stay at camp this year.
Can't get enough?
Sassafras Mama's
pics of the shark are pretty great, too!)

Unexpected Pleasures

2010-08-03T22:17:00.000-04:00

I've got loads of catching up to do over here on the personal blog, so let's get to it! Even though Mr. D is currently enjoying the fabulousness that is Auntie Camp (read: he's hanging w/ the Feldinis down in MD), we still have unshared pics from his last camp, back before Cape Cod, even!

Can't you just hear the little girl asking,
"Can I hold a bunny?"

And here is the delighted Mr. D
helping a calf get its mid-morning snack.

This time with the roving petting zoo
was all the more sweet for the fact that
we had no idea it was on the schedule that day...
nothing quite as sweet as unexpected pleasures!

Outta Here

2010-07-03T08:18:00.004-04:00

Yes, it's that time of year again... we've gotta boogie. Boogie board, that is. You can leave us messages in the comments below (although we probably won't read them until we get back), or, even better...

Send us snailmail at camp! Every year the camp staff at North of Highland is amazed by how much fabulous mail we get, and of course we are delighted with every note, so please keep it up! If you're reading this between July 3rd and July 17th, here's your big chance to make our day at camp.

Send a little note (and/or dark chocolate!) to:
Riendeau-Krause campers, site 35-C
c/o North of Highland Campground
52 Head of the Meadow Road
P.O. Box 297
North Truro, MA 02652-0297

If you'd prefer, you can call the camp and ask them to leave us a note on the camp message board, which is also a big thrill. That number (good from July 5th through the 17th or so) is 508/ 487-1191, and office hours are pretty much all day with the exception of meal breaks from noon-1pm and again from 6-7pm.

We know that you'd love to be there with us, and please do stop by if you're in the neighborhood! Otherwise, let us know you're thinking about us and we'll dedicate an afternoon's worth of laze-about reading or a morning of boogie boarding to you

And a special thank you to the excellent neighbors who are keeping watch on our little house until we get back.

Home sweet away-from-home

50 Years

2010-06-01T22:28:00.007-04:00

We arrived at my folks' house midday on Saturday

to help put a celebratory feel in their
Golden Anniversary Weekend.
Mr. D disappeared almost immediately...
(you can click on the picture
to embiggen it, if you think that might help)

Look, up in the tree!
It's a bird! It's a plane!
It's Super D!

Here's a closer glimpse,
complete with his newly perfected
"I'm so totally cool" look.

The only thing better than one boy in a tree?
TWO boys!
(Grandpa needing a hand in building
a new, higher tree platform is pretty much
Mr. D's working definition of heaven.)

After dinner we played the tribute video
my sister had so painstakingly crafted.
A big hit, as you can see.

Sunday morning:
"Grandpa gave me his Field Guide to look at."
(Even when he's not in a tree, he's in a tree.)

Remember this game?
(Mr. D remembered the game,
but forgot to pack shirts.
Thus the borrowed extra-large one.)

We are so relaxed and happy
when visiting with Grandpa and Nana.

Even the garden got into the spirit,
offering up the first poppy of the season
as if to say,
50 years is worth celebrating...

(Terri and I will celebrate our 19th
anniversary this coming winter.
Plenty more years to grow on.)

Homecoming

2010-05-29T07:05:00.005-04:00

Here's the backstory:

Over a year ago, Mr. D's school sent the second graders home with saplings on Earth Day. It was a nice idea, but the tiny trees weren't actually all that sturdy, and almost every one of them died. Including Mr. D's. He was heartbroken, and we headed out to our favorite local nursery in hopes of learning more about how to properly raise a tree.

While walking around the grounds, Mr. D spotted a tree whose beauty went straight to his heart. "No, sweetie," we said, "that's a full grown tree. There's no way we could even fit that tree in our yard, let alone pay for it."

"Maybe they have a smaller one," he said hopefully.

And sure enough, there was a smaller tree - albeit still quite large - and it was a variety whose elongated shape would mean that we might be able to squeeze it onto our little tenth of an acre lot.

Still, there was the money question.

"Buddy," we said, "grown trees are expensive. You have to pay the nursery for all those years of caring for the tree. If we got a tree this big, it would mean that would have to be your birthday present. And probably your Christmas present, too." (We thought this might be a step on the way to moving his sights down to an even younger, smaller tree.)

But by now Mr. D had learned enough about this particular kind of tree that his heart was made up. (Ask him to extol the finer qualities of the columnar hornbeam to you sometime. But only if you have plenty of time.) So we asked them to save the tree, and started saving our pennies.

Hornbeams are best transplanted in the spring. Mr. D's birthday (on which he took his friends for a hike in the woods) came and went, as did Christmas. This past week, our side yard was the site of an impressive and long-awaited transplant operation.

These pictures don't do it justice. But the tree will be there for a long time. You could come see for yourself.

2010-05-25T06:10:00.001-04:00

(Photo via Beppie K on Flickr)

rainy day movie:
we talk of the book, missing
what they left out

(Cross-posted at Spring.)

Unvarnished

2010-05-14T06:33:00.002-04:00

I don't wear makeup.

Never have. (Except for that one misguided Junior Miss moment, and a few incidental turns on stage.)

That's me last night, sitting in bed and reading Shamim Sarif's terrific Despite the Falling Snow.

I don't know how I ended up with such a deeply rooted resistance to mainstream culture. But I'm glad for it.

I know that many women are happy with their makeup and the way it makes them feel as they move through the world. It's their choice, and fine by me.

But there are SO many things I'd rather be doing with the time (and money) that a makeup routine would take. So my choice is to walk through the world "as is."

bloggerswithoutmakeup

Happy Mothers

2010-05-10T06:58:00.005-04:00

Every year, The College of New Jersey brings in a new set of student pianos for their undergraduates, leaving them with the challenge of "passing along" a group of one-year-old pianos. As a former employee, I am on several TCNJ mailing lists, and every year I get a flyer about the on-campus piano sale. This year we made an appointment to check out the pianos. We didn't say a word to Mr. D, who was in any case out of town helping his cousins with their Strut Your Mutt event.

Here's how it works. You can make an appointment to go in before the sale is open to the general public. The selection is limited, but prices are discounted from what you'd pay for a brand-new version of the same piano, and you get the original warranty. There was no hard sell. If you see a piano you like and commit to buying it, they tuck a little red tag into the keys to let other folks know that it's already spoken for.

So yesterday,
we did a little re-arranging in our dining room.

And you know what?
Nothing makes Mothers' Day sweeter
than a deliriously happy boy!

(This photo was taken
when he first laid eyes on the new addition,
mere moments after he returned
from his Maryland adventures.)

Blueberry Muffin (and other songs)

2010-05-09T10:51:00.002-04:00

Most springs find us heading down to Baltimore
for the amazing Kinetic Sculpture Race.
This was the scene at which the now-infamous
"Blueberry Muffin Song" was first performed.
(You kind of had to be there.)

The weekend was a terrific chance for some quality cousin time.
(Who says kids today don't know how to share?)

This float, which went into the water as a caterpillar
and came out as a butterfly,
got a huge appreciative roar from the crowd
when they figured out that the metamorphosis
was going to take place.

The fearless frog pictured above
won a "Golden Flipper" award for this spectacular
water "fail"... which was paradoxically
also a big crowd-pleaser.

And C & D had front row seats at the sand pit!

(Thank you, citizens of Baltimore and the AVAM,
for this annual celebration of
exuberant creativity & ingenuity.)

Forever Family Day #9

2010-04-19T22:31:00.008-04:00

Today was our 9th Forever Family Day, April 19th being the day back in 2002 on which the legal powers-that-be officially recognized our "forever" status as a family. Thanks to Mr. D, our tradition for this most special of holidays is to spend it together, just the three of us. We don't usually have any particular plans; we just go where the day takes us. Tennis courts, for example.

And then perhaps to the latest 3-D movie.
(We give How To Train Your Dragon three thumbs up, BTW.)

Mr. D found some jeans (on sale!) that he took a fancy to.
So of course we brought them home. And then...

...bet you didn't know gutter-cleaning
could be celebratory!

We finished the day with a yummy homemade
berry-cherry-banana-pineapple-tofu smoothie...

... which we think may in some way
offset the fact that we started the day
with breakfast at Dunkin' Donuts!

All three of us are so happy to be a family together, and today was a day for us to really live into that joy. Yay, love!

(For more Forever Family Day fabulousness,

check out the posts from 2007, 2008, and 2009.)

Trophy Season

2010-04-18T22:20:00.001-04:00

Mr. D missed the PAWS wrestling banquet (too late on a school night, we thought), but was told by several friends afterwards that he'd been named, "Rookie of the Year." Even after the third person told us we weren't quite sure whether we should believe it or not. Nothing quite prepared us for the splendid trophy that was waiting for him at the Recreation Center this past week. With not even a week in which to recover, we were thrust headlong into the next trophy hunt... the YMCA kids' triathlon, in which, as you can see, Mr. D was given the number 285. He can't wait for one of his classmates to ask him about the permanent marker evidence of his exploits, and, for the second year in a row, he came in second in his age group.

For me, one of the highlights of the triathlon came when D & I got to cheer on the winner in his category, an incredibly determined little spark plug six year-old named Henry. "He deserved to win," I said admiringly to D. "He really did," he readily agreed. We clapped and clapped.

Easter

2010-04-16T06:35:00.001-04:00

For as long as I can remember, our Quaker Meeting has worked every spring to raise enough money to "adopt" the Trenton Area Soup Kitchen for a day. Members and attenders of the Meeting have also dedicated time and talent to a Good Friday Easter Egg Hunt at the soup kitchen, which I have been aware of but for some reason have never attended. The children of the meeting spend several Sundays making decorations and tucking candy into the plastic eggs that will be hidden. This year I decided the Mr. D and I would make the additional commitment of helping out at the event itself.

What a great day!

Watching the hunt

Easter Bunny Love

(D was concerned that this tiny egg hunter might need help...)

The space is not fancy.... but we make it so!

As we colored our own eggs
the next day,
we were still smiling
and trading stories about our time
at the Trenton Area Soup Kitchen.
Hope and new beginnings, indeed.

Under the Treaty Elm

2010-04-14T22:40:00.006-04:00

“We meet on the broad pathway

of good faith and good-will;

no advantage shall be taken on either side,

but all shall be openness and love.

We are the same as if one man’s body

was to be divided into two parts;

we are of one flesh and one blood.”

Earlier this year our Yearly Meeting was presented with several gifts at a celebration commemorating the promise of the unbroken Treaty of Friendship made between Pennsylvania Proprietor and Friend William Penn and Lenape Chief Tamanend. The 1682 treaty, believed to have been made under the Great Elm at Shackamaxon along the Delaware River, represents what many people feel is the best of our human spirit. On March 6th, just after Worship in the manner of Friends, our Yearly Meeting and the Lenni Lenape Nation were gifted talking sticks from the PYM Indian Committee, specially minted coins from the Penn Treaty Museum, and offsprings of the Great Elm by Haverford College.

The Great Elm blew down in a fierce storm on March 5, 1810; Haverford College was gifted a scion of the elm and planted it on campus, where it became known as the Penn Treaty elm. This past weekend we looked to celebrate and remember the promise of this unbroken treaty among citizens of the Earth while planting the historical seedling at 4th and Arch Meetinghouse.

D and the talking stick

Preparing to plant
(click on the picture to see a larger version)

"Tucking in" the tree

It was a wonderful way to honor a historical connection, and also to remind ourselves of the all the work that is still in need of our hands and hearts.

(Maybe my favorite part of this story,

after the fact, is that D,

in telling folks what we did this weekend,

would sometimes begin,

"So, do you know about William Penn?"

Awesome.)

2010-03-05T00:49:00.003-05:00

our mice —
on the same sleep schedule
as the baby

(Thanks to the good folks at Haiku Bones
whose prompt this week inspired this 'ku.)

2010-02-27T13:00:00.002-05:00

fourth grade homework:
draw your family —
he starts again

(Thank to the good folks at Haiku Bones,
and to my friend S, whose great post
on this topic inspired this haiku.)

Laughter

2010-02-13T23:07:00.000-05:00

cousins' laughter
as they open presents —
the best gift

(Mr. D's cousins are here visiting,
and since we haven't seen them since last year,
there was a belated present exchange tonight.
The picture is from the summer, obviously,
but the winter goofball spirit looks much the same.
We are all feeling quite blessed.)

Everywhere We Looked

2010-02-12T22:33:00.005-05:00

We got a lot of phone calls during the recent storms. Family and friends in warmer or less snowy places were seeing the news and wondering how we were faring. It was hard to explain, even with plenty of pictures, how all-encompassing this storm was. No matter what time of day or night, no matter where we looked, there was snow. Coming down, blowing, drifting, coming down again.

1. Look Up, 2. Still Falling, 3. White on White on White, 4. Near Miss

The tree limb that came down didn't do any damage. It's a street tree, so the Township Arborist and his crew will be dealing with it. But there are many larger trees that have to be taken care of first, so we'll probably be looking at this reminder of the surprising burden of snow for a while yet.

Here's our boy Mr. D, bravely standing under the back door tree while his Tama tries to lighten its snowload by gently shaking it. I'm not sure how many inches of snow we ultimately got. But it took us two days to shovel our cars out. And there's no telling when the gate to the backyard will swing open again. It's been wild... and wonderful.

(Thanks to all the folks
who called to check in...
so far, so good!)

Powdered Sugar

2009-12-16T06:20:00.000-05:00

(Image via bluewaikiki on Flickr)

shopping too late:
in the baking aisle a gap –
no powdered sugar

(Thanks to the good folks
at Haiku Bones for the prompt.)

Biscotti-a-thon 2009

2009-12-09T20:11:00.009-05:00

Each year, for the last six years or so, I have baked biscotti over the course of the first weekend in December. This year was no different.

Pictures of the finished product would look pretty much the same every year, so this year I tried to snag a few "in process" shots.

My big blue bowl, which I use for the wet ingredients,
shown here after I've molded and scooped a loaf's worth
of anise-flavored dough out of it. Of course
with my bare hands! I was the kid who begged to be
allowed to mix up the paper maché in art class!

Here's our small kitchen table, transformed
into my main work area. The dry sifted ingredients
for a batch of cocoa/ cranberry/ almond biscotti
are in the red bowl.

Here's a batch of anise biscotti cooling down,
and a loaf of cocoa/ cranberry/ almond in the midst
of being sliced and arranged for a second round of baking.

Multiple batches of these biscotti are now making their way to New York, Maryland, North Carolina, Michigan, Massachusetts, Florida, and California. Would you like to hear the story of how this tradition got started?

When I was growing up, my Oma spent hours and hours in the kitchen during Advent, sending out batches of special Christmas cookies and her special Stollen to everyone in the next generation.

Only one problem.

I don't actually like Stollen. And after a while, knowing how much work it took, I started to feel bad about the work Oma was putting into my Stollen. "Maybe I should just tell her I don't really like it," I said to various family members, all of whom reacted as though I was considering bashing my Oma over the head with a frying pan.

"You CAN'T tell her!" they exclaimed. But my nagging sense of guilt persisted, and finally the right moment presented itself. I thanked my Oma for all her hard work. And praised the lightness of her Almondkuchen. And finally, with a gulp, confessed to not be the world's biggest fan of Stollen.

There was a brief pause. "Ja?" asked my Oma. "Zen vhat should I make for you?" And that was the end of that. Extra Almondkuchen for me every year until she finally passed away.

Around this time, a friend told me about making biscotti, and I had an epiphany... people whose heritage is not Italian can still make biscotti. I asked a wonderful baker who did happen to be Italian in my then-office at TCNJ for advice, and soon I was making creditable biscotti.

So now, in honor of my grandmother and in the time-honored "food is love" tradition, I send biscotti out to my family every December. The only rule? If they don't really like biscotti, they have to tell me!

(Hat tip to Auntie Nish, who made biscotti seem possible,
Aunt Stacy, whose food blogging inspires me,
and Mr. D's fabulous aunties, who tucked him
under their wings this weekend.)

Light Passing Through

2009-11-27T23:05:00.005-05:00

My friend Laura McClanahan is an artist.

I missed her most recent show's opening, but wrote the closing date on my calendar. I would say that fully half of the art shows I've attended in my life I've attended on the final day. It seems that the spectre of of missing the work entirely is what finally propels a show to the top of my to-do list! Last Sunday was that day for Laura's show, and when I plaintively explained my situation to my family, they lovingly jumped in the car and joined me on a road trip to the Hunterdon Art Museum.

The work was fabulous, as I knew it would be. Laura has been using light as a kind of ally in her most recent pieces, shining or beaming it through objects of her choosing or creation in order to create photograms which capture a kind of alternate universe. These reminiscently cellular images have a taxonomy all their own, at once familiar and utterly strange, and afterwards I kept thinking about how different it is to focus on an object's translucence, when so much of what we think of when confronted with the material world has to do with the seeming solidity of the opaque.

Mr. D was particularly transfixed by the video installation, and kept crying out to us to, "Quick, look now!" as the kaleidoscopic patterns morphed before his eyes. "It's always different," he explained to us in the tone of one who understands and would like to bring the neophytes up to speed.

Here's a picture of T's favorite piece, with the video installation's reflection adding its own note to the composition. If you look closely, you can also see the back of Mr. D's head reflected in the glass near the center of the frame; his attachment to the video images is also captured.

We are less solid than we seem or feel ourselves to be. There are kinds of waves that pass right through us, sometimes without our knowing it. Artists give us the chance to catch a glimpse of the impossible, to pin the wave on the shore, if only for a moment, so that we can feel and understand ourselves in relation to it.

I'm so glad we were able to go.

(And, special bonus,
the museum is just minutes away from
the famous Clinton Station Diner!
We ignored the 50 lb. burger nonsense
and went straight for the 24 hr. breakfast menu.)

Thankful

2009-11-26T14:41:00.005-05:00

The dog's fur was almost exactly the same shade of brown as the endless fallen leaves that blanket the earth behind the Princeton Friends Schoolhouse.

After our shared time in worship in the Quaker Meetinghouse, the adults usually migrate to the First Day School for some refreshments and fellowship. A group of the elementary school-aged children have taken to grabbing a cookie and then heading into the woods for a different sort of fellowship. K usually finds at least one salamander. Our own Mr. D likes to try to figure out what kinds of trees are in that patch of woods. And last Sunday, young E suddenly called out, "It's a DOG!"

The other boys came running, wanting to believe, but not knowing if they should. But sure enough, E was absolutely right. There, lying on the cold ground, was a dog, perfectly blended in and still except for a pronounced shiver.

"He's hurt!" yelled one of the boys, at which point they all began calling for their parents. We gathered in a little worried knot, trying to figure out how a pet could have ended up so far from any home. "He's cold," said one boy. "We should get some blankets."

"I'm going to go get some apples in case it's hungry!" yelled Mr. D over his shoulder as he dashed for the First Day School building.

The boys industriously plied the animal with apples, water, graham crackers, and goldfish crackers. The dog drank eagerly and ate obligingly. It ears perked up a bit, but it did not try to stand. One of the legs we could see looked like it had some kind of growth or injury. The tag on the dog's collar included its registration number with the Township police. The adults called the police, got some blankets, and made plans to take the dog to the animal shelter if neither its owner nor the animal control officers could be reached on a Sunday afternoon. But it was the boys who tended to the immediate needs of their discovered dog.

When the van from SAVE pulled up, the staff person gently cradled the dog in his arms and carried her away. The boys trailed along behind, not quite ready to relinquish their protective role.

The next morning, I called SAVE to find out if they'd been able to reach the owner. "Oh, yes," they said, "she came first thing this morning and was SO thankful to get her dog back. She was crying with happiness. The dog is fifteen years old, has cancer, and is probably near the end of her life. She may even have left home in search of a quiet corner to die, but the owner is so grateful to be able to be with her for whatever time she has left."

So much to be thankful for.

(And a special Happy Birthday
to my dear friend K,
who is the mother of two of these
kind-hearted boys.)

Hallowe'en 2009

2009-11-04T22:21:00.004-05:00

This Hallowe'en found us fleeing the premises to join our friends up in Dunellen. Our street is still under construction, and the thought of dealing with all that mud was just more than we could bear. We put a basket full of treats on the porch with a note and hightailed it out of here. Once in Dunellen, we found a smartly dressed Highlander eagerly awaiting the arrival of our own "half-dead boy":

The Highlander seemed mostly friendly...

and once again, the fake blood had clearly
been flowing at our house this year.

The look that says,
"Gimme some candy or I'll bleed on you..."

Here's the all-important loot-divvy in progress...

We all had a great time!

(And of course there are more action shots
over on Sassafras Mama's blog!)

We Missed the Party

2009-11-04T05:46:00.002-05:00

Mr. D's great grandmother Wid celebrated her 99th birthday recently. We couldn't make the party, so we sent along some warm birthday wishes, accompanied by these images.

I was art-directed by Mr. D in this shot. ("You have to open your mouth and look shocked, Mommy!") Tama was still recovering from the flu, and so was granted a reprieve from our photoshoot activities.

(There's a picture from the party itself
up over at the Snowshoe Diaries.)

First Political Memory

2009-11-03T18:48:00.009-05:00

"Framing the Shot"

During the 2004 US Presidential race, our Mr. D was regular attender at local political events. He was three years old and being dragged along, so he doesn’t remember that much about it. My teacher friend Sassafras Mama asks her students to think about their earliest political memories, and I wonder now if our trip to the National Equality March (NEM) last month might someday qualify as Mr. D’s first political memory.

"No Justice, No Peace"

As parents, our approach to the social issues of the day – racism, immigration, healthcare, poverty, taxes, equal rights for the LGBT community – has been to try to “get out in front” and provide our Mr. D with some context. We tell our stories as the time seems ripe. He knows that our taxes help pay his teachers’ salaries, and that racism is still something we’re all working on. We have debated about how explicit to be about gay and lesbian issues, since those terms are not much a part of his everyday life, but we’ve heard from other LGBTQ parents that second to fourth grade seem to be prime years for a kind of aggressive monitoring and discussion of difference amongst students, so the National Equality March seemed like a good way to introduce him to the ideas that underlie our current struggle.

We went with a bus full of high school students, so spirits were high from the outset. Once we arrived in our nation's capital, the crowds were enormous, loud, and impressive in both their relative youth and racial diversity. Having previously attended national marches as a young student activist, it was very different to attend as a parent and quasi-chaperone. When the traditional call-and-response chant of “What do we want?” “EQUAL RIGHTS!” When do we want ‘em?” “NOW!” went up, I substituted in “YESTERDAY!” at the end, explaining to the students near me that my t-shirt (from a march in the late 1980’s) was older than they were. We got home around 11pm, and Mr. D asked some good questions without ever complaining.

In the weeks after the March, the race for the NJ governorship tightened, with Corzine (D) and Christie’s (R) stances on gay marriage being one of the starkest differences between them. Suddenly, gay issues were up for discussion at every turn, and for the first time in his life, Mr. D heard an older kid speaking out about the “grossness” of all things gay. Our son was much better prepared to put comments like that in perspective, having had some conversations with us about homophobia and the people who oppose equal rights for lesbians and gays.

I wasn’t sure how taking an eight year old to the March would work out, but I am so glad now that our Mr. D has seen a loud, large crowd of lively supporters of LGBTQ rights. In the weeks before the National Equality March, I’d told him that although his Tama and I aren’t married in a way our government recognizes, we think we are on the right side of history and that in any case, he doesn’t need to worry about us. “How do you know we're on the right side of history?” he asked.

In the quiet dark of the bus ride home, I reminded him of his question and said, “Did you see all those people who came together today? That’s how I know, buddy.”

(It's taken me a long time to process
this momentous event; finally tonight,
awaiting the results of the NJ gubernatorial elections,
it seemed like the right time to pull it all together.)

Last Hurrah

2009-10-23T06:20:00.001-04:00

It is a measure of the power of his music that my mental jukebox has pretty much been stuck on "all Springsteen, all the time" since we caught the very last concert at Giants Stadium back on October 10th.

We are so grateful to the several people who conspired to make the night possible for us, from Ms. N who sold us the tickets to our dear friend D who tucked our Mr. D under her wing with no notice at all. We had a fantastic time. Mr. Springsteen and his band seemed like they were having a great time. He surfed the crowd, let us sing the first verse and chorus of Hungry Heart, and just generally put on an amazing show. Here's what T & I looked like as The Boss launched into "Born To Run":

Pretty much sums it up.

(And, in case you're wondering what my jukebox is playing,
here's the set list (over three hours of music):
Wrecking Ball (new song with Giants' Stadium as the protagonist!),
Badlands, Spirit in the Night, Outlaw Pete,
Hungry Heart, Working on a Dream, Born in the U.S.A.,
Cover Me, Darlington County, Working on the Highway,
Downbound Train, I’m On Fire, No Surrender,
Bobby Jean, I’m Goin’ Down, Glory Days,
Dancing in the Dark, My Hometown, Tougher Than the Rest,
The Promised Land, Last To Die, Long Walk Home,
The Rising, Born To Run, You Sexy Thing/Raise Your Hand,
The Last Time, Waitin’ on a Sunny Day, Seven Nights To Rock,
Kitty’s Back, American Land, Jersey Girl)

Church of Backup, Revisited

2009-10-16T17:12:00.005-04:00

I've written before about the importance of backing up your stuff. It's boring, but vital. (Anyone who has lost their stuff can wave their hands and give me an Amen.)

And if you're still not a member in good standing of the Church of Backup, you might consider that old grade-school standby, the buddy system. It's been working pretty well for my dad and me. (Hi Dad!)

Meanwhile, more and more of my life is lived / played out online, the questions about backup become more urgent.

At about my 2,000th tweet I realized that I was starting to lose track of things that I'd tweeted. I could remember that I'd tweeted out a link, but not who it had come from, or whether I'd also bookmarked it. Which is why I was so happy when Storytlr came along. Dead simple and super helpful; I instantly gained the ability to search through all my tweets with ease. Today a new online friend told me the sad news that Storytlr will be going offline at the end of the year. Phooey!

All of which raises the point... when you entrust your data to someone else, you're at risk. Other people can lose or inadvertently mangle your data, or they can simply go out of business. Services like Twitter that quickly become a staple of our online lives give us the opportunity to develop a whole new set of contacts... but do we have them? Or does Twitter?

One day this summer I was working on a presentation on my Google Docs account, when suddenly I was blacklisted. Two days before I was to present. I couldn't get into Google Docs at all, and had no idea why. My only recourse was to fill out the relevant form and wait while frantically querying my network and discovering a surprising number of folks who said, "Yeah, that happened to me once." A day or so later, just as mysteriously as it had gone black, my account was whitelisted again and I was ready to go. But it was a terrible day.

Is this where Backupify might come in? Backupify is a service that is expressly designed to help us backup our online accounts. Twitter, Wordpress, Facebook, GMail, Google Docs, and a bunch more services are covered... the basic plan includes Twitter backup at no cost. More services and more space will result in a fee that is likely to seem like the best investment you've ever made the first time some of your stuff drops into a black hole.

I've signed up, but I don't think a backup has occurred yet; I am eager to see the service in action! (And by posting about it, I hope that I've just qualified for a premium account.) I never expected to be following hundreds of folks on Twitter (or to have hundreds of them following me), or to Tweet out hundreds of links, but I would be crushed to lose all that information, because so much of it was about serendipity... how would I ever re-create it?

How about you? What could YOU not afford to lose? And what are you doing about it?

Too Much Fun

2009-10-13T06:43:00.005-04:00

While I was busy presenting at NACAC back in September, our man Mr. D was having the time of his life while visiting with his most excellent cousins and their attendant adults.

Cousin C. opts for a trip of her own

No wonder it was so heavy!

On our way home we adults got to spend a little time
hanging out, and it was nice to be reminded
of my sister's ability to see treasure everywhere.
(Boards from this fence were deemed worthy salvage.)

Meanwhile, the cousins played balancing games...

...and look, "magic elbow" is an inherited gift!

(Trying to get caught up to this past weekend,
which was jam-packed!)

Rumor Control

2009-10-11T00:11:00.004-04:00

For any non-believers out there.
Details to follow.

Weekend Adventures

2009-09-25T22:33:00.001-04:00

This is what we looked like as we were about to head into
the long-awaited Joan Osborne concert.
Very, very happy campers.

Earlier that weekend, we basked in the glow of community
during the annual First Day School campout.
Here, young master E.
happily demonstrates the coziness of our tent.

Mr. D took this picture of his friend.
He's got a good eye for portraiture,
don't you think?

S'mores are the staff of life.

We were quite pleased to wake up all snuggled together!

(The evening temperature was in the 40's, we think.
Let's hear it for down-filled sleeping bags!)

Eight Years

2009-09-04T15:36:00.003-04:00

He turned eight yesterday.
School starts Tuesday.
He is ready.
We are not.

(Party pics tomorrow, we hope!)

The Colors of Summer

2009-08-30T20:31:00.002-04:00

Butterfly beside the pool
where I pretty much live in the summer

Multiple variants of tomato bounty

More roadside yumminess
(at a stand that runs on the honor system, by the way)

Oooh, whose pearl-grey & aubergine house is that?

(OURS!)

Auntie Camp III

2009-08-26T06:08:00.005-04:00

When I was growing up in NY, a chance to see my cousins, who lived in FL, was the highlight of any year.

My sister and I are working hard to make sure that this generation of cousins (at least the East Coast ones) have a chance to develop and deepen their relationships with each other. For the past three years, my sister's two girls have spent some time with us here in NJ, while Mr. D has spent some time down in MD with them. This year's week of NJ Auntie Camp started with a promising sign (this shot was taken literally within minutes of our scooping up the fabulous Misses T & C:

And once the girls were settled in, we immediately broke out the games:

(Turns out Cousin C is a pretty serious Hang On, Harvey competitor!)

During the day, all three kids attended Princeton Friends Summer Camp, a wonderful camp which fosters both their imagination and their love of the natural world. (In the picture below, cousin C and Mr. D are showing off C's village, which she and her group worked on througout the week.)

Auntie Camp already has lots of traditions, and every year we seem to add a few new ones. This year's addition? The ritual dumping out of shoes BEFORE we get in Aunt Shelley's car! (Average amount of sand thus collected: 2.8 cups!)

Every camp week has a different theme. Of course you can guess from the picture that this year the kids attended during...

Superhero Week!

Can you feel the love?

Another tradition: end-of-camp Stewart's dinner

And the "so glad to have you back" hug?
Also traditional.

(We're already looking forward to next year!)

Lose the Training Wheels

2009-08-16T23:27:00.003-04:00

Ways to assist a young person who wants to learn to ride a bike: Project confidence. Enjoy your own bike rides. Install training wheels. Spend time watching other kids riding. Smile encouragingly. Talk about caution, responsibility, and freedom. Model caution, responsibility, and freedom. Practice patience. Take the training wheels off. Promise to keep your hand on the seat. Run alongside. Yell words of encouragement. Start on a straight road lined with soft grass. Apply bandaids and kisses as needed. Require the donning of long pants. Put the training wheels back on. Tell true-life stories about your own learning. Allow breaks. Test the brakes. Watch for signs of returning confidence. Take the training wheels off again, this time for good.

~ ~ ~

This afternoon a friend told me the story of her daughter, many years ago now, falling in love with a school for the performing arts in another state and ultimately moving away to attend there. She made arrangements to stay with the families of several other students in order to make it work. As a sixteen year-old. Trying to imagine making that decision, I said, "It must have been so hard to say yes to that."

"I didn't say yes," my friend responded, "At least not at first. I tried everything I could to talk her out of it; I even dragged her back and re-enrolled her in the school in our town after I visited her at the school she wanted to attend. But two friends of mine sat me down and said, 'You have to let her go,' and they were right. So I did."

~ ~ ~

I am so fortunate. My learning network is well-stocked with thoughtful, courageous people.

In the past few months I've read several blog posts that resonated with me. Each dealt with the idea of supporting children's development as learners in a slightly different way.

In the first, Vicki Davis (aka coolcatteacher) tells the story of a white water rafting trip which she then relates to her goals for the students she works with:

We have got to come to grips with how to take children from walled gardens to a point where they can safely operate in public places before they graduate from high school.

In the second, author Maya Frost (The New Global Student), responds to articles on college search consultants by making an impassioned case for "breaking the cycle of learned helplessness":

When we rely on expensive services to prep kids for top schools, we are telling them that they can't possibly compete in the real world without our assistance — and our money. Parents who want their kids to be able to get great jobs they love after graduation (without their help) are better off teaching their kids how to flesh out an idea, research the heck out of it, and follow the thread that leads to the most thrilling and fulfilling opportunities.

Parents: If you are considering paying for college help, consider what you are saying to your son or daughter by hiring a consultant to do what most families handle without assistance. Think about how you might spend that money in a way that could give your student more opportunities to develop confidence, relevant skills, a clear sense of direction and flaming enthusiasm.

The biggest problem with learned helplessness is that it's contagious and hereditary. Stop the cycle now, and your kids will have a much brighter future.

Finally, just last week I read a post on parenting by C.C. Chapman over at Digital Dads:

What I’m getting at is that you need to make sure that your kids realize that the only way to succeed in life is to always work hard, to be strong willed and be the best you can be at whatever it is that you are passionate about. Yes, there are going to be plenty of people standing in your way, telling you no and gates set up to block them. But, I hope and pray that everything I’m doing with my kids is raising them to be a gatejumper who chases their dreams with every ounce of their soul.

I am interested in how these ideas play out in the real world. Most parents I know would agree with the idea that parenting is all about supporting their children's growth towards independence, but different parents are going to do very different things when confronted with the imagined reality of assuring some kind of "advantage" for their own son or daughter, or with the soul-gripping terror that can accompany the prospect of actually letting go.

Every choice we make is a reflection of the best information we have at the time, as seen through the values we hold. If I am reflective and transparent in my work with students and my work as a parent, will it help me "maintain course" as I move forward?

I want to be thinking, "Will this choice help move this child (student) towards a life oriented towards life-long learning, ethical and deliberate decision-making, and love?"

Or, more simply:

Will this choice move us all towards the day when the training wheels come off?

(Cross-posted at Relax. No, Really.
Hat tips to @sassafrasmama,
@yggiz, @coolcatteacher,
@mayafrost, @jonathanfields,
@cc_chapman, and Malcolm Gladwell)

Beware of Dog

2009-08-03T17:33:00.011-04:00

(Photo credit: T. Feld)

Here's a guest post by my amazing sister, who lives in MD. Our son is currently down there visiting with his aunt and uncle, his two beloved cousins T & C, and their two dogs, Chance and Nina. Nina is a relatively new addition to that family, and this post is an excerpt of my sister's email to me yesterday:

It's very common for dogs to fear kids. Kids are louder, more physical, and far less predictable than adults.

Your son is awesome. He was pretty much attacked by our new dog THREE times. Every time, I slammed her to the floor and held her down by her neck and threw her out of the house, etc... to make sure she knew where he was in the pack (i.e. way the heck above her). She never got all the way TO him, but charged at him, barking, baring teeth, the whole nine. Then, I tried holding her in one arm while loving on him with the other arm and talking to him like he was the greatest. That's when she COMPLETELY freaked the heck out and went wiggy, flinging herself any which way to get the heck away from him, and cutting my nose with her tooth on the way (I really felt more as if she was running with knives and cut me on the way by than as if she actively bit me, but whatever it was, thank GOD she didn't get D, and WHO WOULD BLAME HIM if he a. wanted her banished from the house permanently or b. wanted to go home or something.)

But NO. Quite the contrary. He heard me talking to Steve about how D wasn't doing a thing to her and usually wasn't even NEAR her when she went off, and how we might need to get rid of her if she can't handle visiting kids (she has never had any similar reaction to adults). D said, "Oh, no! I hope you don't get rid of her! I like Nina. I think she's just really scared of me." What an amazing response. And he meant it.

Then, I thought about it and realized her reaction was totally wig-out fear-ish. I thought about eye contact. D had said that before each "charge" she had been staring at him for minutes on end. Well, for him to know that, he must have been staring at her, too (again, can't blame him a bit -- I would keep my eye on her, too). If she's wary of him, and then he keeps locking eyes with her, she will definitely take that as an aggressive sign (poor D was being anything but...)

I told D if he wanted, we would just keep her outside while he's here, unless he's at camp, or down in the basement, or in C's room w/ door closed, etc. I told him that would be completely understandable and fine by me. I told him too, though, that what I would prefer is to have her around some of the time, so she can get used to him, and put her out if she's staring at him, or making him at all nervous. He was 100% cool with that. I even asked if he was sure and he said "yes."

Then, I told him to completely avoid looking at her, at all, and loaded him up with treats. He carried those things like sabers! It was as if he felt safe as long as he had a treat! And without my urging, coaching, etc, he took the whole thing on like a little scientist, and began trying to offer her treats in different ways -- sitting down first, not looking, with voice, without voice, putting it on the floor, holding it in his hand. He was SO psyched when he got her to slink up and gingerly take it from his hand -- after at least 45 minutes of work -- her ears slicked to her little head. And, the whole time, he was expertly managing Chance (who needed treats, too, don't cha' know...) and C, who kept trying to "help."

Then, I told him that the most reassuring position for him would be to sit with his back to her, offering up his behind, so to speak. He said, "Okay, that's really scary." I said, "You're right -- forget it." Within 40 minutes, he said, "I want to try the really un-aggressive thing." Little sweetie. So, he did, and slowly, over the course of the evening, she eventually came up and began licking his outstretched hand, with him still not looking at her. He was on Cloud Nine!

This morning, we were all snuggling in bed, and I asked him to continue avoiding eye contact, and she came right over to him on the bed, rolled on her back, offering up her tummy and neck. I told him that was a great sign. He was still nervous every time she moved quickly, and we had to reassure him that she was coming to lick him, not attack him, but he really, really wanted to be her friend, so he hung in there through understandable fear. (She's still nervous when he moves quickly, too, so we will keep a very close eye, and not make any assumptions that everything's great now, etc...)

He is in charge of feeding her. After b'fast this AM, he said, "Tomorrow, maybe I can look at her!" He really likes her, God bless him. He's just been a gem, and I think the two of them will be fine now. And I intend to make it clear to him that he has really helped our family with his courage and his efforts to work with her. You should be very, VERY proud.

(Of course we are proud.
And SO grateful to my fabulous sister!
Our Mr. D has experienced the winning power
of kindness before,
when he tucked a non-English-speaking
classmate under his wing.
He knows about aggression from our conversations
about which games we approve of him playing,
and what makes a great wrestler great.
He knows about fear and violence because
as Quakers, we talk about the hidden roots of violence.
And he knows about the scientific method because
ever since he started asking "why" about everything,
we've been responding, "We'll tell you what we think,
but first, what's your theory?"
We have NO idea where he learned patience.)

Lessons From Camp 2009

2009-07-29T22:52:00.009-04:00

We have returned from our traditional two weeks of camping at the amazing North of Highland Camping Area in North Truro, MA. (Hi, Bruce, Jan, Mary, & Brett!) Our dining room looks a little bit like a camping store blew up in it. But several folks have asked for our also traditional post-trip "Lessons from Camp" post, so the bungee bag and ice chest will just have to wait one more night. Here are this year's Lessons from Camp:

Enjoy the day...

...no matter what the weather.

Dance...

...as the Spirit moves you.

Bring bikes and helmets...

...and, at all times,
be prepared to swim.

Make your own souvenirs!
(Awesome visiting auntie strongly recommended.)

Leave the tents
as flat as you found them.

And fly.
You know you want to.

(Shoutouts to our camping partners Sassafras Mama and JT,
as well as to Paula Poundstone,
who was achingly funny at Vixen that first Thursday night,
& Miss Tara, who made a night in town possible again.
As always, thanks to our families for putting up
with our relative inaccessibility,
and big smushy cyberkisses
to Auntie Nish, Wendy, Karen Schiff, and Aunt Chelle
for their contributions (snailmail and otherwise)
to an extra-special stay at camp this year.
Can't get enough?
Aunt Chelle's and Sassafras Mama's pics are pretty great, too!)

Catch You on the Flip!

2009-07-11T07:35:00.004-04:00

(image via Aunt Chelle, on Flickr)

Send a little note (and/or dark chocolate!) to:
Riendeau-Krause campers, site 19-I
c/o North of Highland Campground
52 Head of the Meadow Road
P.O. Box 297
North Truro, MA 02652-0297

If you'd prefer, you can call the camp and ask them to leave us a note on the camp message board, which is also a big thrill. That number (good from July 12th through the 24th or so) is 508/ 487-1191, and office hours are pretty much all day with the exception of meal breaks from noon-1pm and again from 6-7pm.

Even if you don't have a chance to send a message our way, we know we can count on you to send warm and sunny thoughts... right?

And a special thank you to the excellent neighbors who are keeping watch on our little house until we get back.

Wellfleet

(photos by Shelley, panoramic "stitching" by DoubleTake)

4:05:06

2009-07-08T14:49:00.005-04:00

We were briefly awake at 4:05am this morning.

So that we could tell our boy that we have a picture of him
at 04 hour
05 minutes
06 seconds
07 month
08 day
09 year

Hee hee hee!

(It's possible that we pressed a few buttons
on that clock in the interests of the photo opp...
but don't tell D, okay?)

Help A Girl Out

2009-07-03T22:55:00.002-04:00

Image via "BabyDinosaur" on Flickr

My as yet unmet friend Ana Lomba (Parents’ Choice award-winning author, a leading language educator, tireless advocate of early language learning, and Princeton mom of three) recently Tweeted out the sad news that her almost 11 year old daughter broke her collarbone and is unhappily considering the prospects of a summer without swimming or bike-riding. SO frustrating!

I immediately thought, "How can we make this a little better?" and decided that a list of recommended books would be just the ticket. So welcome to the

Broken Bone
Summer Reading List

brought to you by yours truly, a few friends, and the fabulous and talented crowd of unmet friends who follow me on Twitter:

Caddie Woodlawn (by Carol Ryrie Brink, via SassafrasMama, who also thinks The Seven Wonders of Sassafras Springs by Betty G. Birney might hit the spot)

Where the Red Fern Grows (by Wilson Rawls, via Colleen, aka @warmaiden, who also recommends LJ Smith's Vampire Diaries I-IV, The Witch of Blackbird Pond (Elizabeth George Speare), and Promise of the Wolves (Dorothy Hearst). Plus, if you're into creepy stuff, Colleen says check out authors Christopher Pike & RL Stine.

Little Women!! Little Women!!!! (by Louisa May Alcott, via Erin Kotecki Vest, aka @QueenofSpain and believe it or not, I actually edited some of the exclamation points OUT)

The Lionboy Trilogy by Zizou Corder was recommended by @trxckster and another off-line friend. Trxckster also recommended The Golden Hour and the other two books in Maiya Williams' time-travel trilogy.

Outlaws of Sherwood (by Robin McKinley, again via @trxckster, who then really got on a roll, thinking you might also want to give Neil Gaiman's Coraline a try (more delicious creepiness!), or maybe Jean Craighe George's Julie of the Wolves, or the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E. L. Konigsberg (oh, YEAH, I LOVED that book!), or The Giver by Lois Lowry, or something of your choosing by Cynthia Voight.

Or how about Green Mansions (by W H Hudson), which my partner remembers loving. Or Jane Yolen's Pit Dragon series, which I loved?

Or maybe something from this big ol' Sunshine State Young Readers LIST that Pam Guyton hooked me up with?

Okay, that's it. Historical fiction, fantasy, sci-fi, time travel, adventure, coming-of-age... there are some AMAZING books out there! I can't say that I wish my collarbone was broken, but it does seem like a list like this might take the sting out of it a little bit. Happy reading!

If you missed the original call for submissions and see a glaring hole in this list, give your favorite book(s) for an almost eleven year-old girl a shout out in the comments!

(Still need some more ideas?
Go find some more teachers or librarians to ask,
check out the interactive Literature Map or TeenReads,
or give the Princeton Public Library a call;
their children's reference librarians ROCK.)

Many Happy Returns

2009-06-28T20:06:00.004-04:00

This box has been haunting our home for the past few weeks. Too big to hide in our smallish house, it needed to rely instead on this very effective homemade warning label. As soon as I saw it, I thought, "No matter what's in the box, it's all gravy... I've already gotten my favorite present."

my wife and son
full of grins and secrets –
early birthday gift

(I did get some great tangible presents as well.
The scary spider box held a complete set of new iittala bowls
to replace our beloved 26 year old (!) Marimekko set.
Another reason to have friends over for brunch, yay!)

All Hail

2009-06-22T17:13:00.002-04:00

All hail to Sassafras Mama for tucking our little man under her wing today.

Click here for her post.

(We love our grown-up time...
and we'll be so happy to get our boy back tonight.)

I Remember Sun

2009-06-21T23:49:00.004-04:00

It's been raining since Memorial Day. But back when we were celebrating Princeton's Reunions, there was sun a-plenty.

Tiger head balloons.

Orange and black EVERYTHING.

Miss Lulu and Tina
(with Elise cheering in the background)

D-love and his Tama in the P-rade.

Tina, Lulu, and some boy who likes square roots.

It's good to remember what sunshiney smiles look like.

Move Along

2009-06-19T11:50:00.004-04:00

Sorry, folks, nothing new to see here today. All my media production time/energy for the last several days has been dedicated to a work-related project, which you can check out on my work-related blog, if you'd like.

(More goodies here over the weekend, though...
and, if you're trying to come up with story ideas of your own,
you might have some fun with this.)