January 19, 2007

Fantasy

(Not that kind of fantasy. :-) Maybe some other time.)

Sunday Scribblings' prompt has got me thinking about the role of fantasy in our lives. In my world, a fantasy is a dream that I think, or know – or have decided – won't ever be realized.

Besides D's constant pleas ("Mommy, how about you be a baby, and I can be the gorilla at the zoo that you want to bring home?"), some of my clearest cues to fantasy are sights and smells. The sight of two faded wheel tracks curving off into the unseen distance seems like an invitation, all-wheel-drive or no. The smell of freshly cut two-by-fours immediately gets me mentally drawing up blueprints for my dream house.


What I'd like is a clearer sense of discernment about which of my many fantasies deserve to be "upgraded" to "dream" status... and which of those should be further solidified into goals.

I have a pretty good idea of how to move a dream into the real world, because I have working examples from my own life to draw on. I have such a clear memory from almost 15 years ago, when T and I had decided that it was time to move the dream of a shared life into the "goals" column. I started saying it out loud to people: "Well, I'm actually thinking about maybe looking for work in New Jersey, so that T and I can be together during the week, and not just on weekends," and it felt like a complete snow job. I hadn't looked for a new job in almost ten years. I hardly knew anyone in New Jersey. I didn't even have a résumé. I felt like a complete fraud every time I tentatively shared my intentions with someone.

But you know what? People reacted as if my plan were the most reasonable thing in the world. "Well, of course you two should be together... that's great!" "Will you be staying in admissions, do you think, or....?" "Good for you; you know, the laws in NJ are better for gay families." And the more positive reactions I collected, the more "doable" it all seemed.

The trick for me was to go ahead and start building, even though I wasn't sure if I had enough concrete and nails, let alone a blueprint. Because my idea of what the ending looked like was so clear that it was bound to pull me along.

But now there are days when I'm metaphorically stuck in traffic, unable to see anything but the giant school bus butt in front of me and the taillights of the countless other seekers ahead of that...

(Thanks to the women of Sunday Scribblings
for their continuing inspiration.)



9 comments:

desert rat said...

This bit really struck home for me:

The trick for me was to go ahead and start building, even though I wasn't sure if I had enough concrete and nails, let alone a blueprint. Because my idea of what the ending looked like was so clear that it was bound to pull me along.

I have fantasies about the things I really want in life, and while sometimes they seem completely unatttainable, there's this part of me that's sure they will come true eventually - exactly because my idea of what they look like is so clear. I hope it's true, and I'm not just delusional.

Good luck in all your endeavours; the traffic always clears eventually (especially if you find that handy little side road). Oh, and in answer to the question at the bottom, yes, we finally have snow here!

Rethabile said...

Good post. I gather you and T are together living it up in Jersey.

And don't overtake that bus until it's safe to do so. Cheers

Inconsequential said...

That picture!

I'd feel a real strong urge to go the other way, empty roads beckon.

:)

Liked the rest of the post too :)

Janie Hickok Siess, Esq. said...

"The trick for me was to go ahead and start building, even though I wasn't sure if I had enough concrete and nails, let alone a blueprint. Because my idea of what the ending looked like was so clear that it was bound to pull me along."

Very nicely stated. Great post!

Frances said...

I loved this:
"Mommy, how about you be a baby, and I can be the gorilla at the zoo that you want to bring home?"
What a wonderfully imaginative child.
Very well written post.

megan said...

You left me two areas to explore: 1) moving fantasies to dreams and then to goals; and 2) once it makes goal status, just start building. Thank you.

twilightspider said...

I love your sentiments here - making our dreams a reality is such an important part of life and you've stated it so well!

KG said...

Good for you for putting your intentions out there.

There's a quotation I love that your post brings to mind: "The Universe is conspiring in your favor." :)

gautami tripathy said...

Sometimes letting go seems difficult. So most just live in the fantasy of leaving it ll but never do it.

I wish you luck.