Mother to Mother

(Wendy Cook, of the fabulous MotherRising, has asked me to be her interviewee this month for her ongoing series of Mom to Mom interviews. [blush] Of course I said yes!)

Mom: Shelley

Of: D, born on September 3rd, 2001 ("Five and a third" as I write this)

Where: NJ

Blog: But Wait, There's More!

1. In what ways has becoming a mother changed you?

As soon as I opened myself up to the possibility of parenting, I could feel the changes start. I spent the length of my pregnancy practicing patience, because I knew myself well enough to know that those muscles were going to need to be in MUCH better shape once a small someone joined our family. There's still room for growth, but I've definitely gotten better. Since becoming a mother I have also become much more politically active. I carry in my heart this image of my almost-grown son asking me questions like, "What did you do about the war in Iraq?" or "Did you ever do anything about AIDS, mom?" Who knows if we'll ever have those conversations, but I feel this intense responsibility to live into my expressed values now, to "walk the walk." I am more willing to say "no," and more aware in general of time as a precious, non-renewable resource. I don't listen to the radio anymore in the mornings, because I can't predict when the next utterance of "roadside bomb" or "suicide bomber" might be, and I don't want those phrases in D's head. I spend much less time in retail space now than I did in my pre-parenthood years, again because I don't want that to be a significant part of D's childhood. I am simultaneously proud and humbled that I gave birth. Sometimes now, for fun, when a healthcare person is apologizing for a needle stick or some such, I'll look at them and say, "Please. I gave birth." I love that.

So much has changed. I am more in love with my partner, and with life in general, because of D's inadvertent role as the daily bringer of wonder and goofiness into our lives. I look at adolescent boys completely differently (might ours turn out like that one?). I am constantly running on two clocks: mine, and his. I have largely let go of the concept of sleeping in. My television-watching has dwindled to almost nil. I spend more time at the public library, but less time reading. I think nothing of finishing off leftover whatever. Oh wait... that was true before. :-)

2. What is one tip you would like to share about mothering?

Judge not, lest ye be judged. Seriously, moms are so invested in their decisions (midwife or doctor, homebirth or hospital, breastfed or bottle, on-demand or scheduled feedings, cloth or store-bought or no diapers, co-sleeping or crib sleeping, uncut or circumcised, TV or no, video games or no, and the list goes on and on) that the path to holier-than-thou-itude can be super-short. If you start choosing up sides you'll find out pretty quickly how lonely life can be. By the same token, I think it's important to decide early on what things you will not "up with put," as my father would say, and commit to sticking to them. External influences can be very hard to resist.

(My non-blogging life partner's answer to this is so fabulous that I have to share it: "Say 'yes' reflexively, and 'no' selectively.")

3. What is your creative outlet/medium?

I blog, sing, teach high school students, bake, co-write nonsense songs with my son, whip out my camera at a moment's notice, and write essays, poetry, and a teensy bit of fiction.

4. How do you find time for creativity?

Stolen moments, mostly. I ignore the mess that is our house, and my partner's pre-sleep routine takes longer than mine. I pathetically eat lunch in my office while hunched over my laptop (but no crumbs in the keyboard, I swear!). I've also lately been "swapping out" listening to the news on the way to work in favor of writing haiku... at least some mornings!

5. Why do you blog/journal?
I started blogging when I was making the shift back to waged work after spending three years mothering our son at home. It was a way to keep my friends up-to-date with my search without having to slog through the depressing (at least at the beginning) details. Then I discovered that blogging is a great way to chronicle the little things you think you'll remember but in fact probably won't. Plus, as a natural extrovert and ham, I like the idea of having an "always on" presence in the world that enables people to connect with me on their own terms, as their lives and schedules permit. I love that strangers and I can find each other and discover that we are actually members of the same tribe. Finally, I have recently found, with prompts like those at One Deep Breath, Mama Says Om, and Sunday Scribblings, that blogging has become a way to reaffirm my sense of myself as a writer. So the list of reasons is a moving but growing target.

6. Which blogs do you frequent?
Right now, I'm grooving on Sassafras Mama, a wrung sponge, GenreCookShop, and Beyond the Fields We Know. I check in on brainhell almost every day, to see how he's doing. And ze frank's video blog has become "my show..." I even helped get the Running Fool across the country.

7. Who are some bloggers that you would like to meet?

Other than you, Wendy? :-) I'd love to meet everyone who's ever posted a kind, thoughtful, odd, or funny comment at But Wait, There's More! and I'd love to meet just a few of the other people to whom I feel indebted: Keri Smith of Wish Jar Journal, Patti Digh of 37days, Susan and Jennifer of One Deep Breath, Stefan Bucher of Daily Monster, Dana and Liz Elayne of Poetry Thursday, all the wonderful people who are pouring their time and talent out into the deepening ocean of gifts that the blogosphere has become for me.

Whew! That was fun; thanks for listening.