July 24, 2006

Yo, Moms, listen up!

Okay, here's the thing.

I am working on an advanced degree in bedtime delayal. (I'm aware that delayal is not a word, but whatever, I'm not even five yet, you know what I mean, so go with it, will ya?)

To date, my techniques include, but are by no means limited to:
  • profess an inability to select the books which shall be read
  • brush teeth one at a time
  • agonize over pajama choice
  • discover that legs are too tired to ascend stairs
  • realize that starvation is imminent
  • want water, but also want not to get out of bed to get it
  • belatedly discover that yes, I do need to use the bathroom again
  • spook myself by staring deeply into the well-known shadows of my room
On a good night, diligent application of these techniques can buy me up to half an hour. And I think we all have an understanding of the situation.


If, in the course of this little dance, I seem particularly tenacious, inventive, and fractious, if in fact I seem very close to completely melting down into a sobbing heap of pure misery, might it not occur to you that there is something special going on?

You blew it last night. I was totally freaked out about the possibility that there would be no one I knew at camp today, and you missed all the signs. Instead you just got frustrated and angry and downright mean.

But, lucky for you, I'm a forgiving kind of guy. Tonight was much better. Let's hold a good thought for Tuesday, shall we?

(Okay, Mommy, you can have your blog back now.)

1 comment:

juliloquy said...

These are great!

My niece, Nora, is an expert at the "stall and ball" routine. Our favorite of her techniques:

▪ upon receiving the requested glass of water, complain ardently that the top of the sippy cup doesn't match the bottom.